My recent blog regarding my thoughts on love and my feelings (or lack of) for the majority of western women seemed to quite upset a friend of mine. As is my nature I responded with a personal email to clarify some points rather than leaving them to stew, but on reflection I decided to revisit my thoughts and ponder some more on the matter – “Perhaps it might somehow help me to resolve this ‘dead time’ I find myself stuck in” I thought to myself.
On the morning that I began writing this blog I bumped into a friend - let’s call him ‘Alex’, and save him from any embarrassment by association (lol). Okay, Alex told me that he’d been through a divorce some five years previous, and that it had left him pretty gutted. I’m paraphrasing a little here but he told me that it was his personal belief that once a man reaches a certain age he becomes something of a disposable asset to the fairer sex. After we parted company I continued in contemplation. On my way to a local park for some r’n’r I passed by a wonderful little “Banksy”esque piece of wall art (it may actually be one of Banksy's works) which keeps catching my eye. A message alongside the picture reads “She’s only with you until the next best thing comes along”. I began to follow a disturbing thread which pointed to a possible truth in Alex’s words. Might capitalism have infused itself so deeply into our lives that we have now started to see one other as disposable as, say a broken TV or toaster - to be discarded without so much as a thought beyond the acquisition of the next model? If this is the case it may explain why, in my forlorn state, I feel repelled by my day-to-day social environment and drawn towards alternative cultures which I feel still express a sense of honour in their day to day habits. For me, Japan is one such culture. That Japan is adopting a lot of the western attitudes is also something of a personal worry (and quite likely a source of concern for many Japanese elders), but maybe there is still a chance – maybe I’m not too late. Oh, and I think as I keep mentioning Asian women in so many of my blogs, that now is probably a good time to refute any accusations that I harbour an "Asian fetish" (in the generally held conception of the phrase). Although I have stated that Japan is a cultural choice, I still find given all the world to choose from, that Asian women are quite simply the most naturally beautiful and attractive women to me, full stop. This is something I've discovered about myself and I can't explain it - it's just the way I'm put together. I don't have any fake veneer ready to appease anyone with attitudes lacking in, shall we say 'social harmony', who might look down on me for whatever reason - to them I say "grow up and get over it". I don't have, nor have I ever felt the need to follow a social clique. I take people as I find them, and have no time to entertain any pre-suppositions relating to either my appearance or my life choices. Trust me, in my case looks CAN be deceiving. I am my own man, I harbour an open and inquisitive mind, and people have little choice but to take me as they find me. I can easily think of a few people who would likely testify to this in a court of law right now! : )
Wait. Getting back to the matter at hand (ahem), might there be a fundamental flaw to my view of love? Stepping back to look at the overall picture, I suppose it could be argued that whilst marriage and life-long relationships are indeed very noble pursuits and wonderfully romantic, maybe they aren’t a natural human state? From nature’s perspective it could be reasoned that we are socially designed to come together for the explicit reason of procreation – to bear as many offspring as is possible. If this is true, might people actually be psychologically compelled to seek out someone new once the offspring are “grown up”? Bad news for long-lived romances, but it might explain divorce generally, and maybe even point to a component of natural compulsion behind the mid-life crisis (well, beyond the very palpable fear of running out of life). As I write it now fills me with horror to think that what I have sought all my life, and feel somehow lost without, could actually be unnatural. Perversely, I might further condemn my dream by arguing that divorce isn’t some new side effect of modern life, as the elder generation might have you believe. They argue that they have a moral superiority to our modern, fickle attitudes, but with respect for all they had to put up with there is a great deal more human history than the “war years” and broken hearts have been with us for a very long time. Scarily enough, the implication from all this is that my search for everlasting love might be a fruitless search – am I looking for something which doesn’t actually exist? I think we need to take a closer look..
Whether you believe that religions derived from a man or a god, it is still a fact that their main purpose seems to be to act as a force for stability in society. Isn’t it possible to argue that marriage is simply one of the many social sub-paragraphs of religion which tries to shame us into sticking it out with one person, to have and to hold from this day forwards, in sickness and health, until parted by death? Is the concept of marriage an attempt to seek order in chaos by reinforcing a social lie, against the true nature of mankind? Similarly, general education and the media seeks to have us believe that a “normal” life consists of us going through school and into employment to sustain our well-being, where we can look forward to pairing up with a man/woman and get a house, have children and live happily ever after (the social lie I postulate). Maybe what we should do is just accept the chaos and tell children the truth – that life is actually a great deal more of a haphazard experience? The “2.4 children dream” is just that – an idealistic concept which happens to neatly fit into the mould of our society. If we grant our children a foundation which could better prepare them, might we see a reduction in broken hearts? Or might it actually reverse the supposed trend of “fickle” behaviour, prove the older generation right and instil a good and proper sense of how precious love is? Well, it is isn't it!? I suppose also, whether you subscribe to the idea of love or not, I think both sides would naturally agree that meeting the right partner is quite a rare and difficult thing. Okay, how am I to use this to help resolve my situation so that I'm not "lost inside" forever? Is it possible that meeting as many women as possible and embracing a future of “one night stands” is the right way forwards? Did the hippy “free love” social movement get it right? Woah.. well, it might sound like fun for a bit, but no.. Let’s apply the brakes a little and reflect that overall romantic love is still maybe a desirable thing which when right makes us all feel good, and usually brings positive change to our nature. I suppose this is what the Dalai Lama points to when he says that he believes that love and compassion are the natural states of man, and not destructive and murderous as is generally perceived. I agree with him that as a species we likely couldn’t have made it this far in such numbers if there weren’t more positive than negative daily deeds in the world (he argues that the bad ones are just more newsworthy.. probably true). Okay, so I think I've just argued myself full circle, back to thinking that perhaps love is generally a good thing after all.. Hmm..
Disregarding religion and arguments of hormonal illusion or not, being in love is an undeniably compelling sensation and maybe from this simple thought we could ultimately argue that this is all life really boils down to - experiences. Given the possibility (likelihood) that there is no god, and we are just one of many statistical occurrences in the universe, I suppose there doesn’t have to be a more profound reason for our sense of living. Like the band “Talk Talk” once said, perhaps life is truly what we make it. If that is the case then ironically this argument may have been pointless, except that it got us to some kind of resolution. One can imagine from a biological point of view that genetic variety is a relatively (no pun intended) healthy thing for the species. Maybe the meeting of physical borders and the inevitable cultural blending is not just something which happens to occur when you fill a planet up with people, but is actually in itself a matter of evolution for mankind, fundamentally connecting both planet and the life on it in a Gaia-esque scenario!? Might love and life-long commitment as natural compulsions actually be evolutionary!? Call it the refinement of human nature? After all, I suppose it’s possible that evolution might not just be purely genetic, but might also encompass the very nature of conscious thought itself (something we still haven’t defined yet).
Well, how about THAT for a conclusion? For an encore let's tackle the true nature and relationship of gravity and magnetism!
I think I need to lie down.. I also think I actually, medically need a girlfriend. If you’ve made it this far through my insane ramblings will you, or someone you know, please help me put an end to all this nonsense that’s running around in my head!? Either point some unsuspecting Asian beauty in my direction, or at least wish me luck.. My Japanese quest begins tomorrow anyway, regardless - the local University is hosting a "Japan Day" cultural festival, and I intend to attend.. Maybe that will be the focus of my next blog.. : )
Peace.
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