BONUS TIME!!

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-16752358

There’s nothing I can say here that hasn’t been said already.  As I write 761 people have already had their say on the BBC website, and I can’t think that much of it will have been very complimentary.  The one thing I would highlight is that Vince Cable’s plan.. and I quote (thank you BBC):




"On Monday, Business Secretary Vince Cable announced a series of measures designed to rein in excessive executive pay.


The include more power for shareholders to veto salary and redundancy packages, and encouragement for firms to increase diversity on their boards."

Come on Vince.  You can do better than that!  You would seek to control the situation by giving the power of veto to people who have a vested interest in the company, and would likely be in a position to receive wonderful inflated shares, should they kindly NOT interfere!?  Encourage firms to make the members of the boards more diverse?  There is no one diverse enough who could be brought into such a position, unless you’re advocating said positions to be given to random selections from the general public, in a move not dissimilar to granting responsibility during the course of jury service (an ironic comparison).

To those in positions of power in the UK today:  You’re a joke, the whole bloody lot of you, and I’m ashamed to be even remotely associated with a system which behaves in such an appalling way.

Run That By Me Again..

So BBC reporter Nick Robinson interviews a guy who is taking part in the strike march (public sector worker) and he gets him together with someone who runs his own coffee shop business (private sector worker). During the course of the chat the coffee shop owner says he doesn't have much sympathy with the strikers because he doesn't even have a pension plan, so what do they have to really grumble about(?!).

Did I miss something or does that sound like the beginnings of a joke with a missing punch line?! Do I construe from that argument that the coffee shop owner can't be arsed to save for his own future? If he feels that he CAN'T afford to save for his future then rather than thinking the grass is greener and begrudging the people who are striking, surely it would be better for him to consider the fact that if his own position is so indefensible, that he might like for a public sector worker to help highlight his impoverished position as a member of the public suffering under extraordinary austere measures? After all, when the public sector have been steamrollered, do private sector workers think this is not going to affect their lot? Or was it just this one coffee shop owner they found? Do private sector workers not think they deserve a better deal from the consequences of political misbehaviour? What am I meant to take away from that little ditty on the BBC news?

Are public and private sector workers so polarised in their views that they wish to squabble at each other? Maybe someone as well as me will realise we're on the same page.

Desperate Times Call..

Okay - enough is enough..  Let’s have a chip at this.  Most people are going to be aware of the upcoming strikes on the 30th November.  On the one hand we have the unions up in arms over the pensions/retirement debacle and the significant overall impact of the austerity plans upon people’s wellbeing, and on the other hand we have a government stubbornly pushing on whilst trying to paint the union leaders as “rabble rousers” who are endangering the recovery process at a time when we should all be pulling together.  Tut, tut.. anyone would think it was the late 70’s again.  Well I agree with them both!  We should ALL be pulling together, but I also have to side with the unions when they argue that the big plan is causing unnecessary hardship.  Forget bouncing the public vs. private sector slagging matches.. it’s a smokescreen!  Almost everyone is in the same mess.  Personally I also see it as the thin end of a rather nasty wedge.  Hmmm..

No one can be in doubt that we have to address the national debt – it cannot be allowed to continue unabated, but here we have our rose, with thorns intact.  It seems to me that the united “pulling together” front bandied about by so many conservatives in their 11th hour moment of crisis seems to me to be a repackaging of their own unique brand of equality.  That all too familiar echo pervaded 80’s society, which I seem to recall saw the Conservatives and all those about them brandishing their “go get ‘em” selfish attitudes with unashamed righteousness, everyone basically being equal, just more so in some cases than in others.  Their current “solutions” are being imposed upon people who are already beset with issues, not all of them of their own making (the banks know who they are).  Yes, at the end of the day we all need to take stock of our positions.  It’s unreasonable to imagine that there wouldn’t be consequences upon daily life with the country facing a fiscal crisis.  No one can expect to keep uncontrollably “putting it on the plastic” without a day of reckoning, BUT has anyone wondered whether we're at the tipping point where there may simply be too much money in too few hands these days?  We’re so busy grumbling amongst ourselves that hardly anyone seems to have mentioned the distribution of UK wealth; businessmen, politicians, bankers, even lottery winners with experience of real life abound, all seem besieged by the same old “I’m all right Jack” 80’s status fever.

According to the Telegraph, in an article dated 30th Sept 2010, the UK has about 280,000 millionaires (1.1% of the population), with a sum wealth of £1.28 trillion.  Well, that’s quite a lot of money right there..  Billionaires?  Count them in too - Forbes listed the UK as being home to 32 of them in 2006.  So, on the face of it things must either be unfeasibly, ridiculously bad or we should be in ruder health than we are.  Well, (and it’s just a guess) maybe it’s because a lot of their money may not be in circulation in the UK, but instead locked away in tax havens and offshore projects.  I don’t begrudge people who may have earned their right to lounge in luxury but the great god of Capitalism, as haphazard a thing as it usually is at best, must be appeased by the movement of money.  As far as the system is concerned you can’t be rich and a hoarder.  Capitalism doesn’t like that one bit.  It shows every time the government struggles to tell all the savers that they need to spend.  If the money doesn’t move in the right places at the right time, or doesn’t move at all, then it will create imbalances which need to be tolerated.  If it all moves within totally different countries, with little or no benefit to the source country then we have a ticking timebomb scenario, particularly if we have no way to generate revenue – say, for example, a country dismantling its manufacturing infrastructure.. now what kind of a country would do that!?  As for mishandling money, if you want someone to elaborate as to what happens there I suggest you ask a banker – they have a lot of experience of this.

I have a suggestion, which might seem quite unreasonable at first. We keep hearing a lot about people struggling at the bottom.. student debt, minimum wage, benefits, etc..  Since the larger argument is ostensibly about citizens sharing the pain, how about taking hold of the reins for once and creating an UPPER limit on personal wealth?  That’s not to say a limit on how much a business can generate – that would be a self-defeating premise for entrepreneurial flow.  What I propose is a ceiling on personal wealth, which would flex in accordance with the general overall wealth of the country in question – ie: what the country can afford.  That way we might minimise any issues of playing with more money than we can owe ourselves.  When the country is prospering, people can prosper a little more individually, and when things are tight the personal wealth factor would be somewhat restricted, understandably for the good of the whole.  Or am I missing a trick?  Is this how it is actually supposed to function, given that the individual wealth of the big players seems to be quantified/wrapped up in strange and mysterious (nebulous?) equities such as shares, stocks, bonds and so forth?  Is this in fact all STILL ultimately pointing to an uncooperative banking system, too afraid of its own tools?

Before anyone thinks I’m only taking a philosophical stick to the wealthy, let’s look elsewhere too.  I don’t like the idea of my taxes going into supporting NEET’s, or the unworthy as much as the next person but maybe the problem is also locked up in the (likely VAST) sums of money pushed in the direction of  the defence budget, to fight the petty skirmishes we don’t seem to be able to resist dealing ourselves into.  Has anyone sought to ascertain and truly, accurately declare these sums in the UK budget analysis?  Given that the rants regarding NASA’s budget have been suitably discredited by the announcement that the total budget for their entire space exploration to date has amounted to about 1% of the US defence budget for one year, where does the UK stand on its own defence spending? I’m not saying we shouldn’t have a defence budget, more I’m simply illustrating the point that it seems to be possible to find almost any sum of moneywhen it’s convenient.  So, to whom it may concern, before you start taking yet more liberties with the people least able to afford it all, maybe ALL the money needs counting?  The Conservatives love encouraging the masses to take responsibility and “have a stake” in the future (it makes their life easier and more deniable), so how about another proposal whereby at the start of each financial year we state how we want our individual taxes to be distributed?  You could fill in a form, a bit like an inverted tax return..  I have a feeling that concept might not be too popular with the taxman.

It’s perhaps best to reflect that there likely is no easy answer to any of this.  Nevertheless, for what it’s worth, the worst part for me is concern that the government, as always, seems very quick to point the critical finger at Labour (which they thoroughly earned), are very quick to spin out a yarn or two in an attempt to placate/misdirect the collective frustrations of society (an old trick for them), and seem VERY reluctant to take an honest and hard look in the right places.  I wonder whether the goodwill of the masses might even come close to the dizzy heights of the war time bonding between fellow strangers, if those same strangers could rest poorer, but emboldened by the knowledge that ALL of us are truly shouldering the burden.

Disney's "THE BLACK HOLE" - A retrospective..

** UPDATE ** - For all fans, I would draw your attention to the following..  As of 11th August 2011, Disney and Intrada have produced a remastered Special Edition CD soundtrack of the THE BLACK HOLE.  Having rediscovered the 32-track digital masters back in 2006, they set about painstakingly remastering all the music as presented and have released this wonderful score by the late John Barry.  Boasting no less than 24 tracks (a big improvement on the 32 year old, gold dust, 10 track vinyl release), a running time of just over 55 mins, and a 20 page liner booklet cataloguing the tumultuous path of the CD's creation, as well as notes and photos from the production itself, I heartily recommend grabbing a copy if you like your soundtrack CD's!


http://store.intrada.com/s.nl/it.A/id.7229/.f


Okay, in the grand scheme of things this is not the most important blog to hit the web but it is something which I feel personally motivated to write about, in part because of my frustration as a fan. There were two films from the Walt Disney studio which caught my imagination in my youth - 1979’s sci-fi offering “The Black Hole” and 1982’s unorthodox virtual offering “Tron”. I have my reasons for mentioning "Tron", which will become clear later on, as this is actually a blog regarding the former film – and the unexpected future in store for it.

“The Black Hole” was one of the most expensive films made in its day ($20,000,000) and sports flaws so startlingly obvious you wonder how they survived the creative process unscathed, given that they were riding on the back of such a high profile investment. Today’s cinematic experiences have reared children to expect flawless special effects, and although this film sat somewhere at the top of the heap for its production values (having being Oscar-nominated for its effects), there are some matters alongside the “cool” which I think in all fairness were unacceptable even at the time. Whether it’s the bad or inconsistent science, the occasional all-too obvious wires suspending the characters in zero-gravity, the laudable but obvious work of the matte artists to try and colour-match the film footage (in fairness I’ll come back to these two issues) or the insanely patchy dialogue which ranges from sublimely entertaining to bizarre or even downright bad, there are more than enough opportunities inviting criticism.

In spite of all this, I say give it another look.

Over the years It has garnered something of a cult status, sustained in part by its reputation as the first PG rated film from the Disney catalogue (for some mild language, and perhaps more reasonably for the scenes of death, one of which probably made more than one parent look sideways in concern as little Johnny handled his first Disney 'evisceration' scene). It’s all too easy to join in the critical “mud-slinging”, but when you look beneath the damaged surface you can perhaps see what the studio executives were raving about before the critics blasted it.  The film was in production as far back as 1974, so any comparisons to Star Wars may be quite obvious in retrospect, but realistically quite wrong.  At its heart is a darkly gothic film, sporting some of the most original hardware design this side of "2001: A Space Odyssey". Whether it’s the beautiful, Hubble-style starfield being consumed by the black hole in the corner of your eye, the defiant and beautifully skeletal mile-long vessel USS Cygnus, the haunting forms of her humanoid crew, the intimidating form of the ethically-conflicted Maximillian, even the production design of the double-barrelled laser guns (which I still love to this day) - all these were forever etched into my child’s mind on that grey Saturday afternoon in early 1980. The film even manages to reach beyond the occasional naïve scene which it’s fairly lambasted for, surprising the unwary with moments which certainly don’t fit the traditional Disney ethic; the sombre mood of the humanoid funeral, the soulless, dead-eyed crew member staring back at a shocked Anthony Perkins, his own character’s subsequent (albeit bloodless) evisceration and electrocution, the revelation of the murder of Palomino crew member Kate McCrae’s father by the Cygnus’ own commander Hans Reinhardt or the allegory of his soul’s eternal damnation within the shell of his own creation.. you choose. Personally, I think the most poignant (and likely overlooked) scene is a moment where a dying Reinhardt pleads for his life to his lobotomised crew. Two of them appear to turn slightly to one another, and with the little humanity left in them elect to ignore his cries for help, giving the impression that they are exacting some small measure of personal justice as well as bringing an end to their own suffering by the black hole - quite chilling stuff for a nine year old, I can tell you.

I discovered more recently that “The Black Hole” is about to be subjected to a “re-imagining”, with “Tron Legacy” director Joe Kosinski helming the project. With all due respect to how he seems to feel about the task this is not something I’d ever hoped for. Superheroes can be reinvented – “Spiderman” blossomed in the skilled hands of Sam Raimi and Toby Maguire, and “Batman” deftly sidestepped the 60’s camp to embrace the true, original nature of the Dark Knight, initially with the superb edginess of Michael Keaton, and after a commercial deterioration subsequently recovered once more through Christopher Nolan and Christian Bale.  Even "Superman" survived the transition from the late and much missed Christopher Reeve, with a portrayal from Brandon Routh which was startlingly akin and yet also his own. “The Black Hole” however is a different matter. Don’t get me wrong – In spite of my nostalgia-driven reservations I will give this a chance, especially as it is to be a true re-imagining by concept rather than a carbon copy of the original - Kosinski’s main drive seems to be to address the science issues and create something more akin to “2001” in style rather than an outright adventure (this may all end up echoing the visual feel of the original concept paintings of the Cygnus by the late Robert McCall).  I seem to recall having similar doubts about the recently released "Star Trek XI". Given that they could have continued going boldly into the future beyond the years of Picard and Janeway, it filled me with trepidation when they announced that they wished to reinvent the wheel, but in the end I think they created a veritable masterpiece.

I suppose I would really have hoped that Disney would treat the original version with a bit more respect. Its release history is something of a mess.  Twenty years passed, during which both several laserdisc and sub-quality VHS transfers were released.  With the advent of DVD, the film became the most requested release from the Disney back catalogue. Even before Disney succumbed to consumer demand, Anchor Bay managed a R1 remastered version (with the nostalgically correct starfield "overture" as seen in cinemas), but though it is arguably marginally superior to Disney's own treatment, the release was of the "non-anamorphic" widescreen variety.  When the 2-disc 20th Anniversary “TRON” DVD appeared there were rumours of a similar 2-disc Special Edition of “The Black Hole” waiting in the wings, and given the excellent job they did with "Tron" together with a wealth of material to choose from as demonstrated by a past laserdisc release (deleted scenes, trailers, a “making of..” with cast and crew interviews etc..) all looked rosy. It seems however that "Tron" didn’t sell enough units to justify its completion (!?), and Disney once again lost their bottle - ironic considering we now have a TRON sequel, an animated mini-series and the all but green-lit TR3N.  Sometime later they acquiesced and released a barebones disc (which is the only version officially available here in the UK), presumably to counter the Anchor Bay release, followed by a barely improved R1 version (including the overture with a title page instead of starfield (grrrr..), a 15 minute technical retrospective and a trailer).  Maybe we should be grateful it appeared on DVD at all.  Given that the visuals seem to be the most universally credited aspect of the film, the ubiquitous “pan and scan” VHS transfer did far more damage to the integrity of this movie than anything the critics could throw at it!  Now with the advent of Blu-ray we wait yet again for any signs of a release.. if it ever gets one in this format.

With a reimagining on the cards I can’t think that they will do anything with the original unless they go for the “cash-in” option. I know, it’s just wish fulfilment because I happen to have a soft spot for a film which scared the hell out of me when I was a kid, but personally (and PARTICULARLY with the advent of the high resolution of Blu-ray) I would love to have them cash-in and run “The Black Hole” through a similar re-mastering process to the one which Ridley Scott performed on “Bladerunner”. If only they were to produce a “Special Edition”, complete with its original starfield overture, commentary, maybe even with the deleted scenes restored in an optional “seamless-branching” approach as championed by the acclaimed R1 “Terminator 2” release.. They could go back to the original negatives and “spruce” it up. Transfer it through the 4K digital intermediate process which Ridley glows about, tidy all the blemishes and spots, re-balance the off-colour scenes (where scenes with “blue” colours became scenes with “aqua” colours to avoid clashing with the “blue screen” process), balance out the matte paintings, get rid of the accidental blue-screen reflections on objects, and yes, even digitally remove the wires.  Of course none of this is likely to happen. Disney have never really liked to give this film its due since their initial sense of shame, even after all the development costs and hard work by the effects artists - a pity really when you consider some of the truly obscure movies out there which have enjoyed restoration, sometimes simply because of the enhanced quality which DVD offers.  One can but hope though.  Maybe their attitude is thawing with the recent effort put into the Special Edition CD soundtrack release..

I like working with Photoshop – they could give the project to me! Hey, any Disney Exec’s reading this.. I dare you!

Peace

Cutting Our Own Throats?

Cuts, cute, cuts..

Is it just me or can I see a very real pattern of systematic abuse of the national austerity plans?  Alongside all the savings plans we have seen as a nation - the Police service, the NHS, education (and probably much we aren't aware of), that old chestnut of libraries and background resources appears once again.  So, what is the plan now?

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-14427066

Now, am I the only one who is getting really, really pissed off with these glossy publicity ideals and “soundbite” quotes, attempting to fool people into thinking all that which is happening is doing so for some greater good, whilst seemingly exonerating those with a duty of care for the wellbeing of said resources?  Don’t misunderstand me - I’m all for sorting problems out.  National debt cannot be allowed to continue – ask any American today and they’ll probably agree.  However, such a stance requires taking hold of the reins in politics, something the Tories never seem to have ever had a clue about since they seem happy to turn the fate of everything over to market forces.. AGAIN.  These days it seems that every “square peg” service which is being jammed into a “round hole” solution for the sake of saving a bit here and there, is being done so with the same old private interests at heart, interests which began crippling our nation many moons ago.  As someone whose employment terms are due to fall foul of the privatisation of education support in a year’s time, I can tell you that the solution too is unsustainable.

As I write this I cannot think of any one example of any system in the UK which hasn’t gone pear-shaped when it’s been taken out of public ownership and moved into the private sector.  When I was young the local buses used to cost 5p for an adult trip into the city from my grandparents place.  For me it was just 2p.  This was cheap back then (late 70’s early 80’s), and although I believe it was generally recognised that these South Yorkshire prices were very cheap even by national standards, I suspect the costs of public transport were quite reasonable across the nation.  Then the bus services were contracted out to a private company, and in the “spirit of competition” a couple more companies were also seen to establish themselves.  It wasn’t long before the costs began to rise quite sharply, and the quality of service began to drop, only being propped up by the continued demands of the consumer versus the best wishes of the supplier.  I can also tell you that we seem to have buses which have been either built to a price or designed by lunatics, powered as they are by Volvo engines which are apparently notorious for easily overheating (this in turn probably explains why the heating systems are ALWAYS on), and which are still in circulation years after the problem was identified.  I know this as it was many moons since a bus driver was kind enough to spill the beans as we sat cooling in a lay-by with the engine alarms “pinging” away.  That same “ping” can still be heard today.

From where I’m sat it seems that the people with the power to help veto all this foolishness when it happens, continue instead to buy into the bullshit, their eyes fixed on the short term gains.  Whether those gains are for themselves personally, their business interests or simply in the purported interests of “getting national debt down”.. it’s all the same.  On the surface it could be argued quite reasonably that the privatised mechanisms DO keep turning - it’s not ALL that bad.  I expect this idea might be the first line of defence thrown into the ring if this financially-driven madness were to be put in the dock - but you know, just because something appears to work it doesn’t necessarily follow that what is happening is in people’s best interests.  You can run a car engine badly with crap fuel and crap oil and it WILL work, but eventually it will break, and the mess you’ll be left with will probably mean it’s an irredeemable write-off – akin to those buses I expect I won't be using in a few years’ time.  So too is it likely to be the case with our social systems, if those with the power to affect change continue to gloss over the cracks and continue to accept the “extra funding” carrots dangled by such unworthy saviours, as has I think been the case with so many school/academy conversions.

All hail the mighty monetary system, mechanism of the universe and saviour of mankind.

Personally, the bit I fear in all this is the continued near-silent passing of all this ownership until we reach the point of domination of privatised (financial) concerns over EVERYTHING we do, as opposed to “most of that” which we do today (I can still recall the fictional news corporation CEO in Max Headroom saying "Credit fraud? My god, that's worse than murder") .  We’ve already seen the chaos which can happen when these institutions unravel.  Ironically for this, I point to the recent events concerning a news corporation CEO Rupert Murdoch and his son (and I’m more than tempted to point out another infamous double-act of recent years in the White House which got us all into a lot of trouble, but I leave you to draw any conclusions or parallels).

I’m thinking that maybe the first signs to show the inherent corruption of our current ways will be when the gnashing and wailing begins in the shadowy corners of education - when it’s realised by a learned few that the many leaps made to academy status throughout the system were on the whole a poor long-term decision – that is if anyone remains to  remember and make comparisons between the old and new ways.  I anticipate that by the time the damage is done, either those people will have been moved into positions far removed from the places they previously occupied, or worse still that the systems themselves will have been so drastically changed as for them to be "self-concealing" nightmares, their truly damaged state all but invisible from anywhere but above, in the hands of the few where the real gains from these changes are being reaped.

Can we not understand that it may be better for us to simply relax, accept that we won't all die overnight and allow some money to be spent on some things as a "going concern"? (incidentally, it may be a little naive of me or perhaps an oversimplification, but it feels to me as though the only people getting hysterical in all of this austerity are the people who are trying to make their money from money, rather than actually doing anything real.. but I digress).  For example, one re-occurring argument is our "wasting money on space missions, when we haven’t even sorted our own problems out here on Earth”.  For me there are three problems with this argument:

a) To this specific argument of financial misappropriation, I would make the counter-challenge that in this case people themselves have to change.  Throwing money at a problem never changed anything unless it was supported by the will to support and appreciate the change that said money could conceivably bring - this is why a lottery winner isn't necessarily a happier winner.    Something such as this which is given generally has no value with the recipient, unless there is an ethical foundation beneath them.

b) Space contains many valuable resources to help us with our issues here.

c) Most relevantly here - my traditional reaction to this matter is to simply relax.  Don't worry.  If the money we spent on space missions and research were thrown into the void along with all our probes and never to be seen again then okay, I could accept that would be a problem.  However, we don't keep printing money to suit and support our circumstances, so what happens?  Well, that very same money goes around.  It pays people’s wages and eventually comes around into the ownership of other people, likely with an entirely different vision on how to spend it.  I think it far better to worry about those who are hoarding all the money and resources – they are the ones who really concern me.  They are the ones clutching the resources which make the “costly” space missions actually seem more like pocket change.  They are the one's who are making money out of money (maybe I didn't digress after all).

Personally, I’d prefer some sacrifices be made elsewhere, such as perhaps the ideals and misplaced faith in capitalist values and monetary worth which drive us apart from our common sense on a daily basis, and take us to a place where our actions generally take precedence over the greater good.  Like ants, we are capable of doing such total, wholesome damage with our individual little piecemeal bad decisions which may not actually seem that drastic or powerful when taken on a day-to-day basis, but ask any Buddhist practitioner and he'll advise you differently.  True, Capitalism as a whole may be the better model from a bad bunch, but it is not infallible and we would be wise to keep our options open and our imaginations fertile, lest we end up with an even smaller handful of dictators fuelled by power and money than those which we already have to tolerate.  It isn’t even that these people can’t be usurped (is it Mr. Murdoch!?) but rather that I wish for us as a species to put a stop to the scale of suffering, wrongdoing and even bloodshed which we are all experiencing to some degree, in the name of their ideals and dogma.

We have a choice.  We have always had a choice.

It's so simple, isn’t it?

Peace.

20MPH - A Blog for Dominic Harrison, the Director of Public Health for Blackburn with Darwen

Have a look at this article and see if you can spot where it’s all going wrong..

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-12481423

If, like me, you caught yourself saying things like “where’s the common sense?”, “That’s health and safety gone mad!” or indeed anything pertaining to such sentiments, please stand to receive your applause.

Dominic.. sit with a cup of strong coffee – we need to talk.

Okay, so I can accept that you may have some statistics which point to road death being “the greatest avoidable public health epidemic”, but I still have to ask why you would consider the implementation of 20MPH ‘zones’ in residential areas to be so vital?  Presumably you think the ‘axle and chassis-wrecking’ speed bumps aren’t enough to contend with?  You say it's very hard to understand how we have not been “scandalised by inaction”, and ask what “cultural disease has allowed us to tolerate this preventable risk”?  I think I have an answer for you.

Consider this – we call it scandalous when we witness CCTV footage of horseplay on our rail network, or read stories of some poor unfortunate maintenance worker charged with scooping up the scattered/pulped remains of another rail victim into the nearest available bucket.  Every time we see a news article relating to someone’s misfortune (usually through stupidity or impatience) we are up in arms - but this general condemnation is usually directed at the behaviour of our protagonist.  We don’t see huge swathes of the general public marching in protest, demanding that all our trains be restricted to 20MPH when they pass close to a house, or through our towns and villages.  Why not?

I grew up with a deep respect for the train lines.  I always thought train lines were a fabulously stupid place to muck about.  When I was younger I had Darth Vader appear on the TV, in between "Magpie" and "The Tomorrow People", telling me to look both ways when crossing the road, and to refrain from behaving like a complete arse (I’m paraphrasing of course..).  I had a little boy with his highly intelligent cat called Charlie who used to agree with Darth Vader on many such matters, as well as warning me off the idea of accepting offers of sweets and puppies from strangers.  I even had the Grim Reaper (disguised as Donald Pleasence, I presume for that extra chill) warning me not to take any unneccessary risks near water.  There also used to be a thread of wisdom in popular circulation about not allowing your child to see the road as a play area or free-for-all - in fact, just as we seem to still feel about the train tracks.

Here’s my thought Dominic.  As laudable as it is to be concerned about the difference a 10MPH reduction may bring, I propose that instead we re-introduce a little common sense into the UK.  I agree with you – a speed reduction would make it slightly less painful for everyone, and increase the chances of tears rather than death, but I can’t escape the feeling that we would instead simply be removing our parent’s need to educate with one hand, and our child’s need to think, with the other.  If our child were to sensibly equate the road with possible injury or death then perhaps they might also stand a chance of reasoning that the train tracks aren’t a top spot for a bit of fun as well?  It would be even cheaper than implementing 'zones', and less of a burden for drivers, who already seem to have enough to contend with as they struggle to get from A to B.  As for that “cultural disease” you’re trying to quantify Dominic, I think it’s the same one which seems to be strangling everything in the UK these days – an unjustifiable fear of life permeating our day-to-day existence, and one which I see threatening to kill us all off in a frightfully more insidious way than any car ambling through a residential area.

Just in case you think I’m being in any way biased, I think it’s also worth noting for the record that I don’t hold a driving licence.

Peace.

Blinded by the Light *^^*

I’m having trouble knowing how I feel.  I’ve felt like this since I came back from my recent holiday.  You know, when you try to live a simple life it seems that letting go of the complicated stuff somehow empowers you to peel away a few surface layers and peek into life, seeing deeper and harder into layers you never thought existed.  If you’re at all tempted to follow then let me warn you that there may be terrible consequences to this.  Akin to some kind of cosmic spreadsheet a balance has to be redressed, even if that balance upsets and disorients you.  I was going to make my next blog a happy one, recanting the holiday and the wonderful woman I left behind but instead I find myself in a waking nightmare.  Am I being immature, selfish and/or indulgent? Well, truthfully yes, I think I am, but all self-critical reflections are like that aren’t they?  As for being self-indulgent, well all of this has happened because I was left to my own devices to seek something more and looking back it was, and still is true, that there is simply no sufficient distraction or entertainment in my immediate surroundings.. nothing except a country and culture which is paper-thin and myopic.

I knew there would be a bit of a drop in my morale when I got back from this holiday.  I have plenty of experience of the “holiday blues”, and so I totally expected them.  To help Hazel, I warned her that there would be this feeling.  So many times have we said that we missed and loved each other, but leaving a loved one behind is always a hard thing to deal with.  Still I wasn’t prepared for the attack I have felt on my soul - a feeling of being dislocated and unable to reconnect with the life I put on hold.  There is something more.. something different about this return which is sat above even last year’s victory of surviving the harsh reality of being isolated in a strange place so far from home.  I feel like I’ve looked into my own personal Pandora’s box, and connected with the realisation that maybe one’s life does have limits.. limits which once crossed will do you irretrievable harm.  It’s natural to yearn for more in life – that’s only human, but is it possible that in doing the unusual I have overstretched my perception of life, like an elastic band which gets stretched beyond its ability to return to its normal size?  Is this why I cannot settle again?  Let’s face it, looking from the third person perspective of all the people who know me best, I am likely the last person in their minds expected to have had the adventures I have experienced over the last two years.  Am I feeling a depression, or even desperation from over-experience, like the come down from a natural high?  It’s recognised that a lot of the men who landed on the moon had an incredibly hard time readjusting to life here back on Earth after their experiences, and although it’s true that I haven’t exactly been to the moon my last two excursions to the Philippines have been a close equivalent for a previously meek soul such as myself.  Maybe I have been chasing a dream so closely that I have been ill-prepared for any personal growth gained from doing something so outrageous.  For a good while I’m stuck with an inability to replicate what I have done, on the tether of a romance which because of society's own paranoid stupidity cannot progress, and at the same time on top of this I’m stuck with the feeling that I cannot live within the small confines I have returned to.  Is this similar to the feelings that caused Neil Armstrong to become a recluse?  I always been lead to believe that growth was one of the principle points of life, but what do you do when you feel you cannot pick up the threads again and carry on?

Maybe I have to let go of my old life and go walkabout, but in recognising that I was ill-prepared for this whole backlash I also know that I am ill-prepared for such a venture out into the world, even if I am so overwhelmingly compelled.  Perversely, in spite of all this change in my persona I still find my meek, normal side reflecting that there is still so much I am afraid of.  Without the help of others I still feel crippled by a lack of self-confidence and uncertainty.  Damn it all, this same old feeling of inadequacy permeates everything I do.  I’m hate feeling simultaneously over-enriched and weak.  Having read "Catcher in the Rye" recently, I can't help but feel that this all feels like a Holden Caulfield moment to me, lashing out at the world because of my own weaknesses.  Why can’t I just be normal and boring?  Why can’t I just have the “trainspotting” mortgage, wife, car, a job I’m semi-happy in and a twisted and all-absorbing interest in football, mainstream TV and beer?  I look around me at all the people here as I write this.  Students, families, the elderly.. How many of these adults here present have experienced what I am feeling?  It’s true that everyone’s life is different, but like a teenager who thinks they know it all, Iwould be naive in thinking that I’m alone with these feelings.  How did they resolve these emotions?  It’s reasonable to assume that some must have gone through this, after all to look at them they look quite normal and from the outside I expect I too look relatively normal.  If I was one of those people and I was looking at me through their eyes then I can’t imagine that there is any mark on my exterior which distinguishes me from anyone else they see, other than perhaps the weary expression I’m wearing at the moment.  Maybe if they knew me then they’d know my life at least seems to be far from normal.  I think this is how I really feel.

Peace (!?)